Spring Ahead, Fall back

Our springtime weather keeps us guessing - from pouring rain to sunny and warm to chilly overcast to 70's breezy perfection, and back to showers.  We don't dare plan anything outdoors this time of year more than a week out.  I recall three years ago, with a LARGE outdoor event approaching on the calendar, watching the weather reports with hope and anxiety.  What fortunate relief when sunshine ruled that happy day!

As noted in my book of daily meditations, "so it is with the weather of grieving.  One moment we'll be feeling good, moving on in some productive activity - and then something will happen to bring back the grief as if it were all fresh."  I know that time will move these sidelines further apart.  Even now, I find that I am able to set some of them aside consciously.  But I also expect that they will always be around, ready to catch me offguard, too.  It's not only natural, but they represent a connection with Derek that I will always need. 

Other bereaved parents are familiar with this back-and-forth.  So, apparently, was this renowned poet:

The sun was warm and the wind was chill.

You know how it is with an April day

When the sun is out and the wind is still,

You're one month on in the middle of May.

But if you so much as dare to speak,

A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,

A wind comes off a frozen peak,

And you're two months back in the middle of March.

~ Robert Frost

It is a myth that grief fades away gradually over time.  I recognize that these ups and downs of inner weather are a part of my healing, and I look forward to "springing ahead" to the new, and longer, times of joy.  I know they'll be happening, and when they do, I'll have a whole new appreciation of them.

My umbrella has gotten plenty of use recently.  As this week begins, I am hopeful.  I'm getting out my flipflops.  :)