Got up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head. Made my way downstairs and drank a cup....
So goes the song, and a routine that I sort of recognize.
The reality check after almost eleven months: It's still very early in my grieving journey. Derek was such a constant presence in my daily life for 31 years, that I know it will take a long time to reconcile his absence. It is a complex process that we have to learn as we go. The homefront is lonely and quiet, even with the distractions that we use to "busy" our minds. On the other hand, I notice that I am able to have times of enjoyment that a few months ago I questioned ever being able to experience again.
So, I add a little morning prayer to my Day in the Life: "God, help me to endure another day in this 'new world' without my son - with grace and without complaint." That is challenge enough for a day.
You ask how I'm doing today?
My mind searches to know what to say.
But, too complicated to share
Is the pain I can barely bear.
So, for now I'll just say, "I'm OK."
1 comment:
"I'm OK."
I find that I say that quite often, usually when others catch me staring off into space, or tearing up at the sight of something that reminds me of Kirk. My heart goes out to your family, and especially to Michelle, whom I feel I can relate to the most. I wish with all my heart that he was still here, but knowing they're both up there praising Jesus forever, it helps sooth my grieving heart. You're in my prayers.
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